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Not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?
We're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it.
Why does Sea World have a Seafood Restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and realize, Oh My God... I could be eating a slow learner!
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp post how he feels about dogs.
Law of force: Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others"- Groucho Marx
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."- Paul Beatty
Any man who has laughed at a woman's clothes has never payed for them.
I can only please one person a day. This is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Men should be like Kleenex- soft, strong, and disposable.- Clue
"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."- William Shakespeare
"It is better to be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt."
For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running [slow glance upward]
Women and cats do as they like. Men and dogs get used to it.
I love to watch the seasons change- Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey.
Finding a good man is like picking wild roses- You have to watch out for the pricks.
If we could send one man to the moon- why can't we send them all!